Mark Jones – In His Dust

My beloved flat tin opener. I’m sure you’re wondering how could such a simple device, a common tin opener… deserve the honour of a blog.

It’s because, for the life of me… I can’t work it. The tin opener completely perplexes me. I have absolutely no idea how to work it. It was actually so bad that until recently, I had been using a kitchen knife to stab open any cans of desired food.

Which brings me to my first tangent. Why on EARTH do they still make tins without the ring pull? To me, and in my current tin opener situation… it would seem that the only reason why all can goods have not converted to the highly superior ‘ring pull’ opening technology… is to ensure that the tin opener factory does not go bust. Imagine the jobs that would be lost?

Anyway…

I myself am now wondering why I didn’t ask one of my fellow flat mates – Stuart or Gordon – how to work the tin opener. But I can quickly conclude that it comes down to pride. ME? Ask for help on how to work a simple tin opener? I THINK NOT!

Now, I’m sure many of you are concerned as to my well being, especially in the area of food, proper eating, and ‘is he starving out there’? Rest assured, all is well. Thankfully, my mother still occasionally sends up food packages, including Marks and Spencers Chicken curry – which comes canned, and has the handy, genious ring pull technology.

The tin opener itself, has finally revealed it’s mystery to me. What I thought was a tin opener with only one handel, in fact has a stealthily hidden second handel!!!!!!!!! Some sneaky designer decided to hide one within the other. I personally think he should be thrown into a jail cell, along with previously mentioned heretics, false teachers, and… Dan ward.

In conclusion, there is absolutely no point to this blog what-so-ever. Other than to save me from bordom, to ’slight’ Dan Ward, and to reassure you all that I, Mark Jones, have mastered and conquered the tin opener. VICTORY!